i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
