Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
