You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
