his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
