Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
