i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
