Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
