Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
