Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
