I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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