i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
