My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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