awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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