sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
