Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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