i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
