i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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