i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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