I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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