well you can't waste a boner
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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