I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
