I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
