Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
