How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
