I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize