I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
