When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
