you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
