I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did we literally take a cab across the street
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
