Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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