You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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