i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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