two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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