You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
