I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize