Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
