Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
