just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
