just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
