i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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