You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
