It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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