Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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