I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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