I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
