if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
