He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
