I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
