You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
