I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize