I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
