Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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