She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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