the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
