When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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