It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize