Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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