Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
