Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize