I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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