I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize