I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
