UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize