Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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