Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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