Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
