I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I look better un-naked...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
