am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
