true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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