I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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