i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
