question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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