i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
