I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
