lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
