Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
